Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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