What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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