if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
