**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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