wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
