Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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