Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
