And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
