Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
