My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
