Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
