Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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