Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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