i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I am available for nakedness
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize