Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
