moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
