he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
