he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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