Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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