I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Please, let me fuck your mom
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
