mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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