All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
