He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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