apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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