Will you blow on my dice?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
