It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
