I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize