Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
