Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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