Non-Jews are for practice
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
