no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
