I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
