and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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