It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
