I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You did what with his pubic hair?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
