He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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