i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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