"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
