They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
