Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
