woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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