new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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