Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
