I accidentally had phone sex last night
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
