i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
