Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
