he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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