Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
if i died would you start the facebook group?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
