Taylor Swift is so right about you.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
