was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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