At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
