She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize