I accidentally burped into my bong.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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