Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
