Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
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