I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
