I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I need a beard to bite.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
