you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
