If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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