Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
