Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
