I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
