I wish my penis had an off switch
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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