Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
