no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
