ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
