i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
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