Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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