You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
