WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
