I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
