Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
