God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
my mouth tastes like poor choices
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
