you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
