k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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