Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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