I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
well most of my day revolves around power hour
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
