I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
