whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
