Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
