Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
