i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize