I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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