I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We are two peas in an std pod
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
