When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
