Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
