I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
