I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
