His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
