shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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