i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize