At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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