The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
