That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
