We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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