OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
