areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
