For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
