so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
