dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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