dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
