then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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