So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
