wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
