I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
