So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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