She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
