She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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