he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
