Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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