What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
